The Power of Love Conquering Misery

"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." - Carlos Castaneda

This insightful quote captures a profound truth about human experience.

Recently, it reminded me of a memorable encounter with a client who perfectly exemplified this principle.

Years ago, a gentleman in his seventies came to see me. He was hesitant, pushed slightly by his wife's recommendation. His goal was simple yet poignant: to enjoy his time with his wife, whom he loved dearly. As we began our sessions, he described himself in a way that was both definitive and resigned: "I'm a depressive. I've been depressed for most of my life, as long as I can remember." Despite years of therapy, he had never managed to shake off this identity or the weight of his depression.

Understanding his deep identification with being "a depressive," I knew that attempting to eradicate his depression was not the right approach. Instead, I suggested we focus on another part of him, a part that was untouched by his depressive state. Initially, he was skeptical but desperate enough to try anything that might help.

To our mutual delight, it didn't take long for a transformation to begin unfolding. As we progressed through a few sessions, a noticeable change occurred. The heavy cloud began to lift, and he started to recall and share memories of happier times along with some of his creative writing. It was as if a light within him, long dimmed, was starting to shine again.

Through this process, he came to a powerful realization: he had a choice. He could continue to view life through the lens of his depression, or he could choose to connect with the vibrant, joyful, and creative part of himself that had long been overshadowed.

This is a love story. Harry wanted his wife to feel loved; he yearned to give her that joy. She had enriched his life immeasurably, her beauty and kindness illuminating his world. His desire to reciprocate that love and kindness became a powerful intention that led to his breakthrough.

His journey is a testament to the idea that our identity is not fixed. We can choose to connect with the parts of ourselves that are alive and vibrant. This client's story, which he has graciously allowed me to share in his full testimonial, is a powerful reminder of our capacity for change.

I know life can be overwhelmingly challenging. Not everyone has the support they need, the luxury of hiring a coach, but I firmly believe there is a part of each of us that remains vibrant, creative, and full of potential. Today, you can choose to connect with that part. Celebrate the small wins, look for those glimmers of hope, joy, and creativity.

Change is possible. Your natural state is to be loving, creative, and expressive. Your pain does not define you.

So, I ask you: If you could tap into that joyful, loving, and passionate part of yourself, what would you do differently? How would your life change?

Harry's Full Testimonial:

“I was referred to Michelle Burns by a friend of my wife. I was reluctant to start another round of “talk therapy”, after numerous episodes over decades. Between those episodes I had run through most of the anti-depressant drugs available. However, my depression was at a level that prevented me from performing effectively even simple daily activities.

Going into our first session my expectations were low. My thought was that I had done all this before, time after time, and could hardly bear to go through the same drill once more. During that first meeting Michelle proposed a set of eight sessions. At that point I was convinced that this was a huge mistake. I knew from my past experiences that after eight sessions you were still just getting acquainted, and that anything therapeutic was still far beyond the horizon. However, (and luckily, as it turned out), I was depressed enough that it didn’t really matter one way or the other, so I said “Sure” and off we went.

I was impressed right away when we zipped through the “life story” portion which my experience had led me to believe would take an interminable amount of time. Michelle has an ability to zero in on what is important now, and we didn’t waste time on detailed recitations of the past. Over the next couple of sessions I began to understand the broad range of tools she could offer, and saw her approach as very pragmatic and flexible.

I view myself differently now, and have control of my days and my life. I am able to accomplish the tasks that I choose, and feel that I can live the remainder of my life without falling into a space where depression captures me.

I am on two Watershed Boards, and am an officer on one of those. I am working on alternative energy projects, and lobbying entities in Charlottetown to create the infrastructure needed to support electric cars. I am broadly involved in animal welfare activities. While all of these were things I have wanted to do for some time, the difference is that now I can actually do them effectively.

Is depression still a part of my personality? You bet’cha. The difference is that I now understand that it need not limit my life and activities. I now have tools, techniques, ways of thinking – whatever – that both acknowledge it and keep it in a place where it does not control me.”

I would not have believed that could happen (at all, much less in a short time). Incidentally, I have two sessions still unused if I ever want a “tune-up”.

~Harry

Five simple ways to reconnect with the alive, vibrant, and joyful parts of yourself:

1. Start with the Truth: Recognize that your identity is not fixed; it's a collection of beliefs shaped by past experiences. You have the power to redefine who you are at any moment. Clear away the clouds of judgment and self-doubt and reconnect with the essence of who you truly are, which has always been there, vibrant and alive.

2. Seek Out Glimmers: Glimmers are those small, often overlooked moments that light up your life. Whether it's the warm smile of a stranger, the smell of your morning coffee, or the beauty of a sunset, these moments hold the power to shift your focus from stress to joy. The more you look for these glimmers, the more you will find, reducing life's triggers and enhancing your daily happiness. In your relationships, noticing and sharing these moments can deepen bonds and create a positive feedback loop of appreciation and love.

3. Give of Yourself: True love is about giving for the sake of another's growth. When you contribute to someone else's life positively, without expecting anything in return, you tap into a profound source of joy and fulfillment. This act of giving connects you to the loving, vibrant part of yourself and reinforces your sense of purpose and connection with others.

4. Embrace Creative Expression: Engage in activities that allow you to express yourself creatively. This could be painting, writing, dancing, cooking, or any form of expression that feels right for you. Creative activities help you break free from routine and explore new dimensions of your personality and capabilities, bringing joy and vibrancy into your life.

5. Practice Gratitude: Make it a habit to reflect on what you are grateful for each day. Gratitude opens your heart and mind to the positive aspects of your life, grounding you in what truly matters. This practice can transform your mindset, enhance your moods, and connect you with the abundant joy and beauty around you.

By incorporating these practices into your life, you can nurture and connect with the parts of you that are full of life, creativity, and happiness.

With Gratitude,

Michelle

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